Frequently Asked Questions

Do I really need counseling?

Do you have a hard time feeling confident? Do you feel depressed or overwhelmed a lot of the time? Struggling with suicidal thoughts or self-harm? Have you experienced a major loss or trauma, or several? Do you struggle with your relationships? Substance use? If yes to any of these, then maybe so.

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It’s hard to say who really “needs” counseling and who doesn’t, but I tend to believe that most people could benefit from giving it a try at least once. If you do have a hard time with any of the things listed above, it’s very likely that counseling could help you.

Even if you said no to those questions, counseling still might be a good choice for you. Counseling is not just about healing wounds, it is also about personal growth and emotional development. Counseling can help you understand yourself better so that you can be a more authentic, whole-hearted version of yourself. Some people come simply because they’re curious if it can help them have a happier, healthier life.

The good news is that therapy really does help people, and it can probably help you too if you give it a chance.

What are therapy sessions like?

Your first appointment will be spent discussing goals and expectations for therapy. We’ll talk about your reasons for seeking counseling, and begin to brainstorm ways we might begin to work on your goals. I’ll also go over any relevant policies and paperwork I need in order to establish you as a client. I’ll also gather any information needed for billing and insurance reimbursement.

Regularly scheduled sessions will be 50 minutes long. Most sessions will begin with a brief check in, discussing how things have been progressing since last session, as well as any safety concerns (if needed). We’ll then generally focus on a topic that we’ve agreed to work on. This will often be working on goals we’ve identified in treatment planning, or processing major life changes. I’ll provide feedback, usually in the form of challenging questions, observations, and suggestions. Often at the end of a session we’ll come up with a “homework assignment,” something for you to practice or focus on during the time until next session. Ultimately, the pace and focus of your sessions will depend greatly on you and what you want from counseling.

So are you a counselor or a therapist? A doctor?

I refer to myself as a counselor or a therapist interchangeably, and either is fine. Many people prefer to say “counseling” due to a sense that “therapy” has a negative connotation, but either is OK with me. People also ask if I’m a psychologist, which I’m not. A psychologist typically has a Doctorate, whereas I have a Master’s degree. As far as being a doctor, certainly not! My medical knowledge is likely not much better than yours, and I don’t have any expertise in medication. If you need medical advice or are seeking medication, let me know. I can’t help with these things directly, but I’m happy to make a referral or help you find what you need.

What mental health services do you offer?

I offer individual therapy for adults seeking help with a variety of issues, including:

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  • Depression

  • Anxiety

  • PTSD/past trauma

  • Financial anxiety

  • Alcohol and Substance abuse

  • Education and work stress

  • Emotional difficulty related to chronic pain

  • Relationship challenges

  • Grief

  • Sexuality and identity

I also work with adults in family counseling :

  • Relationship roles and expectations

  • Communication,Trust, and emotional vulnerability

  • Sex and intimacy

  • Reconnecting after an affair

  • Discernment counseling

  • Co-parenting conflict

What if I need to schedule, cancel, or reschedule an appointment?

You can always add or change your appointments here. You can also cancel appointments via email or text. Please refer to my Scheduling and Cancellation policy in your intake packet for further information

Can I contact you between counseling sessions?

Absolutely! I’ll be glad to hear from you, however I do ask that calls, texts, and emails be primarily limited to billing and scheduling. If you need some clarification about something we talked about in a recent session, please do not hesitate to reach out—I’m happy to answer quick questions. However, I do not currently offer over-the-phone counseling, and I am not able to answer in-depth questions over phone/text/email.

What do I do if I’m having suicidal thoughts or I am in crisis?

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call the free COPES 24-Hour crisis intervention service at 918-744-4800. Any other crisis, please contact 911.

Please do not contact me if you are in crisis. I do my best to return phone calls and messages as quickly as possible, but I only do so during normal business hours and will not answer the phone when I am in session.

If you have an urgent question or issue that cannot wait until our next session, please feel encouraged to leave me a voicemail or send a message. I will return it as quickly as I am able.

What if therapy doesn’t help me?

If you’ve felt that past therapy wasn’t helpful, I hope that you’ll consider letting me try to help. You might find that my style works better for you than past therapists. If you want more information on my training or therapeutic approach, please feel free to contact me.

If you haven’t been in counseling very long, you may actually notice that things get a little harder at first. Don’t worry! This is actually very normal. As you open up in sessions, you’ll start to confront things that until now you’ve ignored or avoided, and might even realize things about yourself that you never knew. This can be a challenging period of counseling, but it usually passes as you begin to employ the skills and habits you learn in session.

If you’ve been at it awhile without any tangible results, we’ll discuss it in session. It might be that we need to adjust our focus in some way, and I’ll offer suggestions about this. There is no estimated timeline for therapy, it depends greatly on your own needs and goals.

However, it is also possible that you simply found the wrong therapist. I’m a big believer in the idea that the therapeutic relationship is one of the more important factors in whether or not counseling is helpful. I’ve had the pleasure of working with and helping hundreds of wonderful people, but my style and personality are simply not the right fit for everyone. If this is what is hindering your counseling, it’s OK! It’s not personal, and not a sign of a problem with either one of us. It may feel a little awkward to bring up, but please let me know if you don’t think we’re a match (an email is just fine!)— I’m happy to recommend another therapist.

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Ready to Begin Counseling

Do you live in the Tulsa, OK area and think counseling might be helpful for you at this point in your life? Now that you have a sense of our potential fit and the scope of my services, let’s get your first appointment scheduled. To get yourself set up for therapy, counseling and therapeutic interventions, just follow these simple steps:

  1. Request your first appointment on my scheduling page.

  2. Begin working to improve your overall well-being 

OTHER COUNSELING SERVICES AT GRAY MATTERS:

At Gray Matters, I want to help improve your mental health in a comprehensive way. Everyone has the ability to find healing. My counseling practice focuses on men’s counseling, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, and LGBT counseling, among other concerns. From my Tulsa, OK counseling office, I use acceptance and commitment therapy to help people define their values and goals, to live life with meaning and purpose. If you are ready to start your counseling journey, I am ready to help.