by Carolyn Hedley
The word empathy appears everywhere these days in news articles, blogs, and even social media posts. Though it may seem like an inherent trait, empathy is a habit we can cultivate and can lead to improving our own lives along with the lives of those around us. We're going to take a look at what empathy is, how empathy benefits us, and how to practice empathy.
Empathy is a skill
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What Is Empathy?
Empathy is often confused with sympathy or pity, but it's quite different from either. Empathy is the ability to feel what another person is feeling. It is the ability to step into another person's shoes and understand. Through empathy, we aim to understand what others are feeling and use this understanding to guide our thoughts and actions.
On the other hand, sympathy is seeing another person's pain from the outside and feeling sorry for them. Empathy is seeing someone's pain and feeling it with them. Through empathy, you're able to share emotions and understand another person’s feelings, beliefs, and thoughts.
I want to explore some common thought processes that hinder our ability to feel empathy and compassion. You may recognize one or two that you’ve experienced. We all have these thought processes sometimes and being aware of them is a step closer toward becoming more empathetic.
Sometimes the way someone perceives the world through their cognitive biases will affect their ability to experience empathy. There are a number of cognitive biases, but we’ll only be discussing three for now. One cognitive bias that may hinder someone's ability to feel empathy is assuming that everyone else shares their opinions or beliefs. Without being open-minded and cognizant that there are multiple beliefs out there, you won't be able to empathize with those who don't believe what you do.
On the other hand, many people will drive a wedge between themselves and others, believing that people who are different don't feel or behave the same way they do. For example, men and women often believe that they’re so different from one another that they feel, think, and behave differently. We hear that men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. This thought process can prevent empathy because a person may believe there’s little in common with someone they view as different.
Finally, we’re onto victim-blaming. Everyone wants to believe the world is just and fair, but the truth is it's not. When something bad happens to someone, a person may feel inclined to ask the victim what they did to deserve that. In this idea of a just world, those who suffer would get what they deserved and people want to believe that the world is just. Unfortunately, this way of thinking is extremely harmful and blocks any path toward compassion and empathy.
How Does Empathy Benefit Us?
You'd be surprised by how many benefits people get from empathy. Biologists have proven that we are social animals that have evolved to care for each other and through this, we survive. On a personal level, empathy gives us the ability to build social connections and important relationships with others.
Empathizing can also help to regulate your own emotions and soften difficult experiences. By experiencing another’s feelings you are more aware of your emotions and become more open to experiences. Emotional regulation helps you manage your emotions and can even help you to feel less overwhelmed during times of stress.
By showing empathy, you promote compassion and kindness in others. People who experience empathy are more likely to engage in behaviors that benefit others. In other words, empathy leads to and is linked to altruism. It goes back to creating that social connection and honestly, just spreading the love.
I want to share a really interesting story I read about the power of empathy. This is a true story about Claiborne Paul Ellis who was a leader in the Ku Klux Klan. However, he developed a friendship with Ann Atwater, an African-American grassroots civil rights activist. Both coming from lower incomes, they came to the understanding that as poor people they were oppressed. They bonded over their shared experiences of living with a lower-income and eventually became friends They laughed together and cried together. In 1971, Ellis renounced his Klan membership, tearing up his membership card in front of a thousand people including other clan members. He became a civil rights activist and he and Atwater's friendship endured.
This story is a powerful experience that shows what empathy and compassion can truly do. We learn so much by listening, bonding, and sharing with others. Someone you feel is completely different from you may have more in common with you than you think.
Tips to Practice Empathy
As we talked about at the beginning of this article, empathy is a trait that you can cultivate. One study shows that practicing empathy leads to increased positive feelings about oneself and others and enhances their general well-being. If you’re wanting to see the benefits of empathy, try implementing these strategies into your daily life.
When talking with someone, listen without interrupting, and pay attention to their body language. Body language and nonverbal communication say a lot about how someone’s feeling. Try to pick up on the feelings the person may be expressing. By doing this, you’re becoming more in tune with others’ emotions.
If you disagree with someone, try to understand their side. Ask questions to learn more about their perspective and listen without making judgments. When we’re divided, it's easier to shut our eyes and ears to those who disagree with us. However, people have reasons and experiences that have shaped their beliefs and ideas. Listen to what others have to say without judgment and you may find that you understand where they're coming from even if you don't agree with their idea or belief.
Try a loving-kindness meditation. The point of this meditation is to practice loving-kindness to yourself and others. By practicing loving-kindness through mediation, it can help you incorporate compassion for yourself and others in your daily life.
Empathy allows us to share connections, bond with others and spread love. Through empathy, a man was able to turn away from the KKK and become a civil rights activist. By cultivating this incredible trait, we can better our own lives and the lives of those around us. By practicing empathy, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.